Rushing Nurses Syndrome, can you relate?

I was standing in a field on a camping trip thinking ahead to the next meal I was going to cook for my kids. My friend was sitting in his camping chair drinking a coffee and looking at the beautiful view. As I walked over to the tent to look through the food, he said to me 'you are such a typical nurse, you don't know how to switch off'

I remember thinking ‘that's a load of rubbish of course I can switch off.’ I sat down in the chair next to him and tried to just admire the view while not 'doing' anything. I didn't tell him because I was trying to prove him wrong but I found it really really hard! My mind kept going through the day ahead ‘What did I need to pack for the day? Did the kids have all they needed? Did I have the right foods for them? Did I need to go to the shops? Was everything tidy? Should I do the washing up now so I could relax later?’

In reality though I never got to the relax bit because the list of jobs was never ending. Usually I would just keep going all day until my head hit the pillow and as it did I was thinking about how I could keep on top of things better the next day, continually striving for that moment when I was on top of everything and could give myself permission to stop.

I was in the most beautiful place but hadn’t stopped long enough to appreciate it and just be! The kids were running about happily playing with their friends, there was nothing that I HAD to do right then, no one was going to die if I stopped, so why was I finding it so hard?

“You’re such a typical nurse” my friend's words echoed in my mind. When I was at work I was in the same situation, continually running trying to keep on top of things and not getting anywhere, the only difference was that I was aware that someone might die if I didn't keep on top of all the things that I needed to do for my patients. Maybe that sounds dramatic but this is what would often go through my head.

As nurses, we take training most years showing us numerous scenarios of what happens when mistakes are made, as well as the harm that can come when things are omitted. There are also regular stories in the news of poor care. But staffing levels are so bad and the nature of what is expected of us is so much that we are constantly struggling to keep up with all the things we need to do to keep patients safe, let alone well! So we run around the wards trying to keep up with our list of jobs and to give our patients the care that we want to give while also dealing with this fear of making a mistake. And this often goes on for 13 hour shifts! And then we go home, don't have the time or the energy to relax and unwind before going to bed, waking up the next day and doing it all again. It therefore becomes harder and harder to switch off.

But it’s not just nurses, these are patterns that I know many women can relate to. I have since learnt the term Rushing Woman's Syndrome. This term is the title of a book by Libby Weaver. She wrote this book in 2017 based on what she had noted in the behavioural and health changes in women over the previous 18 years.
‘Never before have I witnessed so many females in such an intense rush to do everything and be all things to all people...
This perception that there is not enough time combined with a never ending to do list is having significant health consequences for many women.’ Libby Weaver

And I am not sure things have got much better since then! I see many women in my work as a health coach who are struggling with hormone balance or symptoms of peri menopause who are weighed down with responsibilities and feel they have no choice but to keep going. And I still completely relate to this myself. So many women are holding and juggling so much, work, kids, partners, parents, as well as the constant stream of messages, emails and social media notifications and whatever else we have going on!

But the problem is that, put simply, our bodies are designed so that if we are running away from a tiger we need to be able to get away fast. In that moment, our stress hormones will take precedence over our sex hormones so that we can get away from the tiger quickly and once we are safe the balance is restored. This goes for many other functions in the body, not just our hormone balance. The problem is that in the modern world stressors are very different from running away from tigers, and they are constant. We are therefore under chronic stress, and the getting to safety bit never arrives, unless we can find a way to switch off. Our bodies need to remember how to easily move between the sympathetic (flight/flight/freeze) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system responses as they are naturally meant to. So we need to find a way to switch off! What I was finding, in my case of rushing woman's syndrome, was that I was stuck like this and had forgotten how to switch off!

This is how we may have seen other women behave before us even without the added technology and work life balance issues, I certainly remember generations before me rushing around after everyone, making sure everyone was happy. Maybe there are other generational patterns or patterns that we have picked up from our own childhood. Over giving, over doing, people pleasing, seeking validation from outside of ourselves, from what we do rather than who we are. And we can get stuck in these patterns. Perhaps this was why I wanted to be a nurse to begin with, I have always looked for my worth in what I could do for others.

Being just me sitting in the chair in a field was perhaps scary in many other ways, having to just be with myself. And that's what I experienced that day, as well as realising that I just didn't know how to stop, and was continually thinking about the next thing, I also realised that I was actually scared of what would happen if I sat on that chair and did nothing.

I knew that I would be stuck in this pattern unless I made a conscious decision to change. First I needed to understand that the world wouldn't fall apart if I stopped, but that perhaps I would eventually fall apart if I didn't learn how to! And then I needed to find out who I really was when I did stop and who the person was that was hiding underneath all that rushing around!

I understand that if we find ourselves in this pattern it can take a lot of undoing and I know it often seems like there isn't a way out, but the biggest lesson that I have learnt since that day is that even if it seems like we really can't change things because of external situations, there is always a way, and the way is within us. So within, so without. We may think that our list of jobs, our job roles, our responsibilities make it impossible to change things, but what if the world around us is reflecting what is inside? If we believe that the definition of being a woman involves rushing our lives will reflect this. If we believe that our only value as a woman is gained from the things that we do for others our lives will reflect this. These are beliefs that may be deep within us and society. But it is much easier to focus on changing our own beliefs and habits than it is to focus on changing the world. And then through changing our beliefs maybe we can change the world!

Once we find ways to move ourselves gently out of this fight/flight response, start to learn to put ourselves at the top of the list of all the people we are caring for, and begin to learn about who we really are underneath it all, then we will start to notice that we are not as trapped as we thought we were in our to do lists and responsibilities. As we learn to support and respect ourselves and set better boundaries then we may find that we receive more support and respect from the world around us. So within, so without.

By learning to be able to live in the moment and to regulate our nervous systems, we will find our health improves, we will also begin to feel more energy, and experience more joy in life . We will prevent burnout in ourselves and then actually be able to support others in much healthier ways. As we all act as role models, those around us will notice our beliefs and our behaviours, and so we are also stopping these unhealthy patterns from being passed down to the next generation. So we are creating a ripple effect and also affecting all of those around us.

Rushing womans syndrome is something that many of us may relate to, and I definitely think it is an epidemic within the hospital. There was of course some truth in what my friend said about me being a typical nurse! l look around the hospital and see so many amazing, empathic, caring women* who are rushing around and approaching burnout with nothing left to give. Living like this will decrease our energy and vitality and eventually cause us ill-health. Shift work and the hospital environment can also play a role in disrupting our hormone health as circadian rhythm is a really important part of balancing our hormones and unnatural environments are another reason that our body can feel it is under stress.

So as nurses we really need to learn as much as possible about ways that we can reduce stress, set boundaries and learn to put ourselves first. We might need to learn more than others about dietary and lifestyle changes that we can make to give ourselves additional support if we want to keep balanced and healthy. When our job role is looking after the health of others, we must look after our own first.

And perhaps I am idealistic but going back to 'so within, so without'… maybe this is how we can help to change the patriarchal healthcare system and bring respect for the feminine back into healthcare, one nurse at a time.

I know that this is not easy but I also know that it is possible, and that it all starts from recognising these patterns and making the decision that it is time to put yourself first.

I am so grateful that I took that first step and I can tell you it has been a journey ever since, a journey that I am still taking, of undoing patterns and finding out who I am underneath it all, but I can say hand on heart that its worth it, and that I am happier and healthier than I have ever been.

I now offer support to anyone else wishing to take this first step and beyond, through holistic health coaching, hormone balancing and energy healing. I am particularly passionate about supporting other nurses and healthcare professionals as I understand how challenging it can be to learn to really look after ourselves in these types of roles.

Feel free to get in touch if you would like support, I'd also love to hear your thoughts.

Ellie

*And men. I work with women's health so this article is referring to this link, but of course this is speaking to patterns that can exist within us all.